08 — Rise When Awoken
If you would have been more careful about what you had wished for, this never would have happened. Those who spit venom on others are bound to get bitten one day. It’s all a matter of revolving time and unfolding spaces that the revelation will be made. The sincere lack of clarity with your sincerest desire brings me to tears. Cannot explain the inexplicable resistance I feel when I see your face and all I can witness is an absolute lack of hope and half-minded commitment to your ultimate vision. It’s intoxicating in some sense, and for sure it will lead you to a form of life put on four wheels, all rambling out in different directions. No way there can be a straightway ahead. You can certainly lie and scramble your way through some days, but the ages will soon die out and a decision will have to be made. What will you do then? Will you still risk it all, or maybe concede to the steady and stealthy slavehood. Well, who am I to judge? You do what you got to do, just figure it all out once and then your life will gain the traction necessary to live upon the ideals of justice and honor. Justice not to anyone but yourself, and the maintenance of your own honor, no one else’s.
Gaining constrictions in my pubes, it feels like a forest fire down there. Better it would be to not hope about getting better very soon. It’s the usual stuff really, and I am not too willing to spend my mind, again and again, narrating different versions of the same thing. What I really need right now is some necessary stimulation, something that will keep my mind fresh and alive till I finish the assignment I have been assigned for ages. Nothing seems to gain closure in my temporality ever since I gained adulthood. I mean sure I have a tendency of opening up many chapters that end up becoming nothing but loose ends. But that’s how I have been conditioned by myself, through complexes and circumstances that devolve me into an unkempt being. Only if I could’ve fixated my mind, less on the breasts around me, and more on the academic texts around me, I could’ve become a better man, greater in achievement, adherent to expectations, in sync with my capabilities. Alas, now I am only an insignificant specimen counting his last days in the hovels of some forgotten shithole, part of a speck in the history of this world. But if that’s what it has to be, then might as well enjoy whatever, whenever, however, till it can last.
Yes. Having said that, I’d also like to tell you that the next time you decide to unbuckle your belt and unzip your pants, think to yourself, am I worthy enough to flash my privates in public. Sure you have dealt with privations all your life, and surely you have a thought process unlike anyone else. But does that give you a right to certain privileges that mankind condones? Yes, you heard it right, it most certainly is a privilege of the highest order to be able to run around naked on the central streets of your city where the high-class society exists. You need very strong paperwork and a very solid background for that. Considering you have neither, your hopes seem fickle and distorted. I won’t deny that your yearning is by far the strongest that I’ve witnessed amongst men belonging to a genetic creed much like yours, however, you sir have surpassed genetics. You’ve evolved too much for yourself, too fast, it’s not good. This existence will leave you shattered if you do nothing to elevate your primal urges and pave your way towards reincarnation perhaps as an ape if you feel that rocks your boat. Else there’s another option than to just do it. No paperwork, no permissions, nothing. Just run out there, stark naked and jump around the fountains and the waterfalls, and shake your little man, show it to the world, how much injustice god has done with you and how you aren’t afraid of your insecurities. Sure you are a little man blessed with a little man, but we all know how big of a heart you have and that makes you much more than a typical dick.
All sensations have lost touch, lost meaning, and lost perception. It’s difficult to describe the things that once were far too simple to fathom. Now it takes days of endless thought and scattered contemplation, beyond simplicity, to just comprehend a basic act of living. If that’s how things were meant to be, perhaps I would have loved to stay a little more basic. But I couldn’t, it was my concrete, shaping desire to become a little more than what I once was, only to forget the strength of my genesis. Why did I let that happen? I don’t know, if I try to know, it will be another wasteful, uneventful thought debate that would end without a conclusion and lead to the mere point it began with. Much rather let me be as static as I am, with a rawness absorbing my semantics and pervading my informatics. Let me be romantic for a while, not as descript as the world defines me to be, but obscure and unclear, with no forceful desire to be something that I am not. To take time and not do the things that shouldn’t ever be done. As I say, some things are better left unsaid, untouched. Just be there for some time, sit and watch, observe and listen, truly perceive what exists, let life unfold before you, urging you to be the only spectator, who doesn’t critique but merely intakes everything that is offered. I guess these are my last words and from now on I would rather not involve myself in such allusions as to the ones that have plagued me for years now. It’s time to quit the struggle, quit the chase, and let intuition ripen my essence as it should’ve been years ago. Nevertheless, let’s rise when awoken.
